Obley: Speed reads at Darlington

In honor of race weekend, we’ll blast around the Let It Rip track at record speeds, pitting only when we need to ...

Here’s what I want to know: Why are the only folks walking around topless at Darlington middle-aged men who can’t see their feet?

Why are Sprint Cup drivers allowed in Nationwide races? Isn’t that a little like letting A-Rod grip and rip against the Greenville Drive?

Who was LeBron James’ math teacher? If LeBron truly believes $10 is 20 percent of an $800 bill at a steakhouse restaurant, don’t you think the presidential candidates need to clarify their position on education?

Tom Brady admits he wants girlfriend Gisele Bundchen to dress up as Wonder Woman. Gisele, Victoria’s Secret pitch woman and supermodel extraordinaire, said ‘No’ because the outfit is too revealing. Um, what?

So the New York Knicks know for a fact the Chicago Bulls won’t offer Mike D’Antoni more than $4 million per year, yet they offer $6 million. Have you ever seen an organization so allergic to its own wallet?

Speaking of allergies. Ben Wallace out of the NBA playoffs because of allergies? Hasn’t anyone heard of Benadryl?

Man, even the golf carts here at Darlington have a stripe.

Stop the presses! Florida has offered Hanley Ramirez a long-term contract! With real money! Market value! Did someone buy the team when we weren’t looking?

Have you come up with your own Danica Patrick/woman driver joke yet?

The most inexplicable stat lines of the baseball season to date: Cliff Lee’s 0.81 ERA, Livan Hernandez’s five wins, Jason Isringhausen’s 11 saves (and five blown saves), Emil Brown’s 29 RBIs and (drumroll please) ... Brian Wilson’s 10 saves.

Brian Wilson? How did the San Francisco Giants talk him out of the Beach Boys’ reunion?

And now, the lightning round:

The Swiss have eased restrictions on potato imports out of fear of a French fry shortage during next month’s Euro 2008 soccer showdown. ... Australian researchers have discovered an orchid that mimics a female wasp embarrasses male wasps. ... A Texas man was arrested after he dug up a skull and used it as a bong. ...

And finally:

You think you had a bad day? At least you’re not Justin Hill. The 42-year-old man was pulling up to his house when he got into a crash. His wife heard the commotion and ran outside, leaving the kitchen stove unattended. Within minutes, their home was on fire. The firefighters who responded to the accident, then tackled the blaze. The house burned to the ground, Hill wound up in the hospital and the police gave him a ticket for failing to yield. Good times.