WORDS TO THE (UN-)WISE

Best bulletin-board material from a D-lineman in 2012? You make the call.

Our finalists:

•  Carolina Panthers defensive end Greg Hardy, on Sunday’s game against Atlanta: “We owe them something, and it is coming. . . .. I want them to go home sick in the stomach and mad about life, a couple of depression issues, all types of things.”

•  B.C. Lions tackle Khalif Mitchell, on Calgary running back Jon Cornish: “I just want to tackle him and go squeeze his bum and just knock the football out. … Hopefully, he doesn’t enjoy it too much.”

He went thataway

At TheOnion.com: “Robert Griffin III sends receivers on routes that will get them out of his way.”

Just wondering

If Jon Gruden ever coached the Packers, would they call him Chucky Cheese?

The buck shot’s here

Robin Yount accidentally hit a former teammate, Cubs manager Dale Sveum, in the back and ear with buckshot while the two were quail hunting in Arizona.

Alert statisticians immediately credited Yount with the offseason’s first pickoff play.

Going with

the floe

Best rumor out of the NHL labor talks: In keeping with the theme, they’ll play a watered-down season on thin ice.

Talking the talk

Emma Span of SportsOnEarth.com, on the Steinbrenners’ suddenly austerity plan: “The phrase ‘the Yankees on a budget’ sounds downright oxymoronic. Jumbo shrimp! Deafening silence! Business ethics!”

•  Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Kobe Bryant became the youngest NBA player to reach 30,000 points: “But no one will ever beat Wilt Chamberlain as the youngest to 20,000.”

•  NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after “Sophia” and “Aiden” repeated as the year’s most popular baby names: “The least popular baby name was Kim Jong Sandusky.”

•  Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on when baseball commissioner Bud Selig plans to revisit video replay: “Once he figures out how to pry ‘Field of Dreams’ out of his VHS machine.”

Da Booze

Terlato Wines International is coming out with eight wine labels — with names such as “The Coach” and “The Player” — in honor of Chicago Bears icon Mike Ditka.

Now comes the hard part: Keeping the corks from spontaneously popping.

The Seattle Times