Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Manny Pacquiao KO’d by IRS, refuses to fight in U.S. because of new 40 percent tax rate.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Michael Jordan celebrates 50th birthday with last people he hasn’t completely alienated yet.”

No holds barred

Snippets from an HBO interview with ultimate fight star Ronda Rousey:

• On whether she likes hurting her opponent: “No, but it’s a fight. We’re not baking cakes for each other. You know, I didn’t go in there to make a pie.”

• On why she wouldn’t pose for Playboy: “I don’t care how much money they gave me. ... No one should be able to see my cash and prizes for $5, OK?”

Fandemonium

What your favorite NBA team says about you, from SportsPickle.com:

“Oklahoma City Thunder: You honestly had no idea other sports existed beyond college football and high-school football pre-2008.

”Portland Trail Blazers: You don’t mind never winning anything because parades and confetti are bad for the environment.

“Dallas Mavericks: The only countries you like are Texas and Germany.”

Roger that

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell nearly tripled his salary — from $11.6 million to $29.5 million — in one year.

And you thought Adrian Peterson doubling his rushing total after ACL surgery was impressive.

Talking the talk

• Mike Bianchi of The Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on the Orlando version of the updated Monopoly board game: “Violators no longer go directly to jail; they go directly to a Magic-Bobcats game.”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on this year’s Daytona 500: “Gentlemen of the media, start your Danica Patrick search engines!”

Not par for the course

Greenskeepers in Purcell, Okla., discovered a meth lab inside a port-a-potty in the middle of the course, Oklahoma City’s KFOR-TV reported.

Health officials immediately declared the can an unplayable high.

The Seattle Times