March 30, 2013 

Call him ‘Ice T’

Chicago native and ’80s TV icon Mr. T scored a winner on his third try in the Blackhawks’ “Score From Center Ice” challenge, sliding a puck into one of three slots in a target covering the goal during the second intermission of Tuesday’s game against Calgary.

Pity the fool who had to follow that act.

Sorry State

Penn State football recruit Zayd Issah faces charges of forgery and theft by deception after trying to pass counterfeit money at McDonald’s.

Authorities say they’d never seen Joe Paterno’s face on a $5 bill before.

New bawl game

Rent-A-Mourner, a company in England, hires out trained funeral mourners.

In Chicago, they call those Cubs fans.

Shopping spree

Arcangelo Bianco Jr. faces a bunch of charges after shooting at a deer — in the parking lot of a Pennsylvania Walmart.

The bag limit there, we assume, doesn’t specify paper or plastic.

Words to the wise

Stanford football coach David Shaw wants recruits with a good vocabulary.

Apparently ever since he saw Hank Stram’s old Kansas City Chiefs matriculating the ball down the field.

Doubled over

A man has won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on the “It’s a Small World” ride, but the pain nearly didn’t end there.

Disney asked if he’d take it in Astros season tickets.

Quote marks

•  Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the U.S. going 0 for 3 in World Baseball Classics: “Wait. Didn’t we invent baseball? This would be like the NFL losing the Super Bowl to the Netherlands.”

•  Headline at “USA defeats Mexico 0-0.”

•  Blogger TC Chong, on Florida Gulf Coast coach Andy Enfield’s model wife: “Makes sense. Beaches and bikinis. I never noticed anything like that when I visited Gonzaga.”

•  Seattle Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on ex-Steelers QB Kordell Stewart filing for divorce: “His marital status is now separated/slash/ single.”

•  NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on bracket-busting Florida Gulf Coast: “Even the University of Phoenix Online was like, ‘Who?’”

The Seattle Times

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