Monday, Apr. 06, 2009

20 Under 40: Living life in full flight

Tally Parham talks about her three lives — in the air, in the courtroom and in the nursery.

“How fast could you get here in an F-16,” I was asked one Wednesday morning. The 104 miles between my law office in Columbia and our firm headquarters in Greenville, where I commute on Wednesdays, would take about 10 minutes in an F-16 flying at the speed of sound.

That would give me an extra 3½ hours at home with my 17-month-old son, Wyatt.

Lawyers don’t usually field this question. But in addition to practicing law with Wyche, Burgess, Freeman and Parham in Columbia, I’m a major in the South Carolina Air National Guard.

Unrelated as these roles appear, they have this common ground: my job is to fight — to protect my clients, my country, and my child’s best interests.

I wanted to be a fighter pilot more than anything when I was young, and I applied to the Air Force Academy in 1987. But a local Academy alumnus amended my aspirations — “girls can’t do that.”

I went to Princeton, instead, and then to law school at the University of Virginia. Growing up watching my father practice law in Greenville, I was inspired by his commitment to his clients and the integrity with which he approached each case.

As a lawyer, I’ve represented clients in employment and whistleblower lawsuits, copyright fights, estate battles, contract disputes and in uncovering and fighting fraud. It’s a serious responsibility to be entrusted as an attorney — an advocate, whose duty is to guard and protect the best interests of my clients.

As a fighter pilot, I’ve been deployed four times and flown combat missions over Iraq with the “Swamp Foxes” of the South Carolina Air National Guard.

Perhaps having flown through anti-aircraft fire over Baghdad makes opposing counsel a little less intimidating, but it did nothing to prepare me for my biggest challenge (and greatest joy) of becoming “Mom.”

I have watched my son welcome and explore his world, dissect a Cheerio, play peek-a-boo with kitty, liberate a box of tissues from its contents one-by-one, and learn to express affection, need and delight. 

I have gained a new appreciation for the beauty of life and our responsibility to nurture, teach and raise our children with care. Every mother, especially my own, should know that I look at her with awe.

Each of my roles has taught me valuable lessons: how to employ laser-guided bombs; how to effectively cross-examine an expert witness; how to soothe a sick child to sleep.

Together, they have taught me much more.

First, we make little difference by wishing for change. We have to work and fight for things that matter: justice for our clients, a safer world for our country and better lives for our children.

Second, we do not accomplish much on our own. I rely daily on my partners, paralegals, and secretaries who make me a much better lawyer; on the mechanics and my fellow pilots who have my life in their hands each time I pull on a helmet; and on my child’s caretaker, neighbors, family, and husband, without whose support I could do none of this.

TALLY’S LESSONS FROM THE COCKPIT

Balance: Every working parent understands the challenges of competing interests. I’ve abandoned the idea of “balance” and instead try to give the task at hand the full attention it deserves, strive for efficiency, and rely gratefully on those who offer help. Appreciate that what makes you so busy is what also makes your life rich — engage fully in your endeavors.

Debrief: After every lawsuit, after every mission, examine what happened. Touch on what went right, but deconstruct what went wrong. If you make a mistake, figure out why, and adopt a new technique or strategy for the next time. Don’t take criticism personally — if a colleague, judge, or friend gives you some direction or feedback, be grateful and use it.

Prioritize: Fuel and ordnance are always limited, so dispatch the highest, nearest threat first. You don’t have to win every argument to win your case; use your persuasive currency wisely. If your child fusses over a minor issue, better to distract him and move on and save the discipline for more important lessons.

Compartmentalize: Getting bombs-on-target-on-time takes total focus. Don’t let the adverse weather or enemy fire you encountered on the way to the target area, or the bad day you were having on the ground, affect your concentration. When you’re flying, fly; when you’re at the office, work hard; when you’re playing with your child, be consumed by him.

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