MY EVIL TWIN brother Orville and I seldom discuss politics.
Even as kids, I knew I only wanted to grow up and vote for the politician I believed in. And, as the joke goes, Orville was only interested in one day voting for the politician he owned.
But when politics and sports mix, the gloves come off.
"Well, I hope that trip to Copenhagen taught Obama a lesson," O. said Friday afternoon.
"What lesson is that?"
"That life is like college football."
"What do the Olympics have to do with college football?"
"Absolutely zilch. What I'm talking about is home field advantage."
"We're not going to win any gold medals in 2016 because the Olympics are in Rio instead of Chicago?"
"Greg, I'm not talking about the Olympics, you idiot! I'm talking about the decision to fly overseas to meet these IOC cretins. There was no upside whatsoever to the trip."
"Now, hold on. The entire thing was a no-win decision. Go there and lose out, and you look like a chump. Don't go and we lose out, people scream, 'Why didn't you go?'"
"Well, maybe if he went and we got it, detractors would say, 'Why did he have to go, we might have won it anyway.' What I'm saying is, when you're the big dog, you don't go on the road and ask the peons for a favor."
"And you're tying this back to college football again how?"
"There's a reason why Florida plays Charleston Southern in The Swamp, and why you don't see Florida traveling to South Carolina to play Charleston Southern. Life is not a level playing field, so use every size advantage you've got to your favor."
"So your lesson you'd tell President Obama is that in the future remember that life is like college football."
"Hey, if he treated the NCAA like Florida treats Charleston Southern, we'd have a playoff system tomorrow."
Speaking of making the games count: On to the picks!
Guesspert's Glad Tidings
QB: Philip Rivers will tear up the Three Rivers area with Troy Polamalu on the bench.
RB: Book it, Cincy: Cedric Benson will bring the leverage against the Browns.
WR: I'd say pick a 49ers wideout to go against the Rams, but their best hands option is TE Vernon Davis. So be it.
DEF: The Giants offense can take the visitors' tour of Arrowhead Stadium with what the defense will do to the Chiefs all Sunday.
Evilpert's Bad News
QB: Revenge is not a factor against Green Bay on Monday night, says Brett Favre. So why did he name his new labradoodle "Brett Favre's Revenge?"
RB: With Miami's QB situation in disarray, Ronnie Brown is now about as effective a Wildcat option as a can of Copenhagen.
WR: Dallas' Roy Williams and Patrick Clayton picked up points in their second half against Carolina because the Panthers couldn't sustain drives. Look for the Broncos to shut down Dallas receivers for all 60 minutes.
DEF: The Bucs are going against a Redskins offense that a week ago couldn't match up to the Lions. Look for Washington to hang 40 on the Tampa Bay Buffoons.
BYE BABIES: Cardinals, Eagles, Falcons, Panthers
LAST WEEK: Greg 2-2, Orville 3-1
SEASON TO DATE: Greg 9-3, Orville 10-2
ORVILLE'S LAST WORD
"Hey, IOC, why no love for Chicago? Were you afraid Rex Grossman still lived there?"