You may have heard about the Tennessee football players arrested this week on charges of attempted armed robbery in a gas station parking lot.
Sure, it sounds bad, but it could have been worse. In four years, these guys could have been stuck pumping gas if they had attended USC. Now, after a few months at Tennessee, their futures look far more, uh, secure. You might even say they're going to have maximum security. And a free place to live!
And free from me to you are the rest of this week's sports headlines.
C.J. Spiller states Heisman Trophy case against Florida State. I remember those long-ago days when Florida State players stated their Heisman cases against Clemson.
Jimmie Johnson wrecks much of Chase lead at Texas Motor Speedway. He's just trying to make it close.
Kyle Busch runs out of gas in attempt to win three races in one weekend. Somebody should have told him to gas up after that second race.
Talk circulates of shortening men's college basketball season. But February Frivolity just doesn't have the same ring as March Madness.
USC's Weslye Saunders says Steve Spurrier Jr. likes the wide receivers better than the tight ends. So do the cheerleaders.
Carolina Panthers fumble away shot at beating undefeated New Orleans. It's hard to hang onto the football when you've been eating crawfish on the sideline.
Tampa Bay gets first win of season by beating Packers. Forget Brett Favre, maybe Green Bay can bring back Bart Starr.
Peyton Manning throws 25 passes in first quarter of Colts' victory against Houston. Indy's running backs are saying Peyton likes the wide receivers better.
TCU, Cincinnati and Boise State crash top six of BCS rankings. You've got to love an upside-down football world where Navy beats Notre Dame.
Phil Mickelson defeats Tiger Woods and Ernie Els in World Golf Championship event in China. An hour after winning, he felt like he had to go out and beat them again.
Steve Yzerman, Brian Leetch, Brett Hull and Luc Robitaille inducted into Hockey Hall of Fame. Yet not one Southerner could pick them out of a police lineup.
New Mexico women's soccer player Elizabeth Lambert suspended after video shows her rough play. It's hard to believe she didn't get a red card for pistol-whipping that BYU player at the 71-minute mark.
Italy blanks USA in Fed Cup final. I'd be pretty upset about this if I knew what the Fed Cup was.
Phoenix Suns open the NBA season with eight consecutive100-point games. Get back with me next June when I start paying attention to the NBA finals.
MLB general managers decide against expanding instant play. Well, why would they after all that great umpiring in the playoffs?
Former Clemson football coach Tommy West blasts Memphis' commitment to program after his firing there. He said the athletic department gave former basketball coach John Calipari a much bigger budget to buy his players.
Chiefs release running back Larry Johnson for his controversial comments. He was the first NFL player let go on Twitter.
Florida International coach Isiah Thomas loses collegiate debut against North Carolina. Finally, the Tar Heels get revenge for that 1981 NCAA title-game loss to Indiana.
Sammy Sosa's skin appears white at Latin Grammy Awards. Oddly, Mark McGwire showed up at the Country Music Association Awards looking like a Latino.
Allen Iverson granted leave by Memphis Grizzlies for personal reasons. Yeah, he wanted to miss practice.
Suspended Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount reinstated after throwing punch in season opener. While he was out, he played women's soccer for New Mexico.
Derek Jeter wins fourth AL Gold Glove to go with fifth World Series title. He must be impossible to shop for at Christmas.
Clemson's Richard Jackson loses kicking job after bad game and academic issues. His math test landed wide right of the professor's desk.
Mike Tyson arrested after scuffle with photographer at the L.A. airport. Mike's Tyson's in trouble with the law? And there's physical violence involved? Get that man a Tennessee uniform!