Drunken jerks, without the 'Hangover' charm

I have no idea if they serve beer in hell. But I have some notion of what might be playing at the Hades AMC 20. It's "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," probably on a double bill with "All About Steve."

Tucker Max, an Internet and publishing phenomenon thanks to his wild tales of woman-bashing depravity and brazen political incorrectness, wrote and produced this movie "based on a true story, unfortunately," adapted from his memoir, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell."

The laughs in this cave-manly comedy come from Max's wild exaggerations about the insults he flings, his cruelty to women, the women who fall for his hateful pickup lines and the absurd lengths he'll go to to booze and have sex with a "Helen Keller" collection of the blind, the mute, the deaf and the Little (People).

Maybe you don't have to believe a word of it to be amused by some of this, but gullibility and alcohol consumption must help. The guy comes off as a belligerent, ignorant, misanthropic, homophobic jerk. The movie he has whipped up is a "Hangover" for people who found this summer's raunchy hit a tad too tame. And subtle.

Max is played in the film by Matt Czuchry, a TV actor with Channing Tatum's pretty face and Ray Liotta's cat-who-sexually-assaulted-the-canary grin. He's a law student with an apparently bottomless bank account and bottomless appetite for bottom-feeding. He lures a groom-to-be, Dan (Geoff Stults), and just-ditched-and-bitter Drew (Jess Bradford) for a night of depravity at "the Super Bowl of carnal pleasures," the bars and strip clubs on the other side of the state (Texas).

The guys fling their ugly pick-up lines at one and all - barflies and strippers. Max lies and insults his way into conversations, claiming to be a parent. Sure, a pal cracks. Except his "kids" are on "the compost heap behind Planned Parenthood." AIDS jokes, a "Megan's Law" zinger that will leave most grown-ups slack-jawed - nothing is off-limits here, which appears to be Tucker Max's M.O.

One funny bit - the guys' instant recognition of a woman (Marika Dominczyk) who can hang with them - "Did she just make a fetal alcohol syndrome joke?"

The rest? Bradford's Drew puts it best - "He's gonna fail worse than a 'Friends' spinoff." Woo-hoo, a shot at Joey. Cutting edge, bro.

The plot is all drinking games, sexual vulgarisms and endless pickup efforts, and it so closely follows "The Hangover" (literally ripping off one "Wedding Crashers" bit) that it's like seeing that movie again, drunk. The relationships are unbelievable, the toilet humor (ex-porn star Traci Lords pitches in on this) would make the "Fridays" cast gag, the acting is limp, the one-liners are forced and the in-your-face insults would get any one of these three creeps pounded into dust.

"Are you a cop because you have a GED, or erectile dysfunction?"

But if "The Hangover" is any indicator, "Beer in Hell" will be to some folks' tastes. The rest of us can only hope they designate a driver for their trip home.


"I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell"


STARRING: Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, Geoff Stults, Marika Dominczyk, Traci Lords


RUNNING TIME: 1 hour, 44 minutes