Politics & Government

Memo from GOP, Dems (April Fool's)

We can't wait for April Fool's Day ... So the Buzz decided to start making up stuff early. Enjoy!

From the S.C. GOP ...


FROM: Karen Floyd, chairwoman, S.C. GOP

TO: GOP officeholders and candidates

SUBJECT: Recent events suggest guidelines for our officeholders and candidates are in order. So please keep these in mind:

- Thou shall always remember that a secret is something that only one person knows. (See Sanford, Mark, and Eckstrom, Richard.)

- Thou shall always remember that e-mail is NOT secure and can be forwarded, and lots of people read Facebook. (See Sanford and Eckstrom, and DePass, Rusty.)

- Thou shall not compare the poor, the meek or any other group that you secretly - please! - believe to be "lesser" to stray animals or, particularly in the case of minorities, zoo animals. (See Bauer, Andre, and DePass.)

- While we're on the animal subject: Thou shall not cause animals to fight each other to the death for thy amusement. (See Sharpe, Charlie.)

- Thou shall not abandon thy office. (Geez - Sanford again)

- Thou shall not fly overseas to cavort with any person other than thy spouse. (If caught doing so, thou shall never refer to the overseas playmate as thy "soul mate," etc.) (Mark REALLY!)

- Thou shall not yell "you lie" at ceremonial events at the person who is the president of the United States, Republicans included. (See Wilson, Joe.)

- Thou shall not push white powder up thy nose, particularly any illegal white powder. (See Ravenel, Thomas.)

When in doubt, what shall you do?

Thou shall just say, "No." Please do not elaborate further - particularly when opposing proposed policy - before carefully reviewing the "thou shall or shall nots" above. If flustered, blame the Democratic socialists in Washington. Please do not attempt to define the word socialist, however. (We wouldn't any of you to hurt yourself.)


From the S.C. Democratic Party


FROM: Carol Fowler, chair, S.C. Democratic Party

TO: Party faithful

SUBJECT: Re: Recent events suggest ...

How do we keep losing to these folks? We hold - what? - one statewide office? Incredible! What's wrong! Ideas???

Related stories from The State in Columbia SC