You're lucky this column is appearing today.
After a half-hearted effort last Sunday, when I misspelled a few words and mangled a few sentences, my editor wanted to suspend me for a week. But when I told him I had injured my writing shoulder the week before and was typing in pain, he let me off the hook with a warning.
So please enjoy this week's roundup of sports headlines. I promise not to go through the motions.
Bud Selig wants one World Series game each year played in the daytime. But it still might not end until midnight.
Gamecocks vow to avoid late-season collapse after Tennessee loss. To ensure that, they're dumping Florida and Clemson from this season's schedule and adding Midlands Tech and Columbia College.
Carolina Panthers defeat Arizona Cardinals. Wait, isn't that what they were supposed to do last season in the playoffs?
Meb Keflezighi becomes first American man to win New York City Marathon since 1982. Take that, Ethiopia!
Texas moves past Alabama to No. 2 in the AP football poll. Sports writers insisted it had nothing to do with the lovely floral arrangements sent to them by Mack Brown.
Serena Williams beats sister Venus in Sony Ericsson Championships final. The win meant Serena got to ride shotgun on the way to dinner that night.
Doug Barron becomes first golfer suspended by PGA for performance-enhancing drugs. Tour officials got suspicious after those 500-yard tee shots.
David Beckham is being loaned to AC Milan by the Los Angeles Galaxy. An interesting side note: Victoria Beckham is being loaned by the Spice Girls to the Dixie Chicks.
Jamie McMurray snaps 86-race losing streak to win at Talladega. It had been so long that he had to stop after the race and ask for directions to Victory Lane.
Brett Favre leads Vikings to big win over Packers in Green Bay. Even the statue of Vince Lombardi at Lambeau Field wept.
Florida's Brandon Spikes suspended one game for eye-gouging a Georgia player. If the NFL doesn't work out, Spikes looks to have a big future in pro wrestling, where that move is acceptable.
New Orleans Saints move to 7-0 and take on the Panthers today. It's the next-best thing to a bye week.
Bankruptcy judge approves sale of Phoenix Coyotes for $140 million to the NHL. Talk about Cash for Clunkers.
Chase Utley's five World Series homers ties record set by Reggie Jackson. Just call him Mr. November.
Jim Nantz ordered to pay $916,000 annually in alimony and child support. It looks like he's going to have to stay at the Masters Economy Inn while in Augusta next year.
New York Yankees win 27th World Series title. And they still refuse to give one to the Cubs.
Alex Rodriguez finally wins first World Series title. It's a touching moment for players everywhere who have gotten performance-enhancing drugs from their cousins.
Toyota pulls out of Formula One racing. However, there is some good news for the sport - the Plymouth Duster is back!
Canadian teams accused by other countries of hogging 2010 Olympics practice sites in Vancouver. I've complained for years that our country lacks decent places to practice curling.
USC basketball team pounds Kentucky Wesleyan in exhibition game. It's always good to beat a team with Kentucky in its name.
Yankees manager Joe Girardi aids wrecked motorist on way home from Series win. He placed a call to the bullpen, and Mariano Rivera showed up with a tow truck.
San Francisco pitcher Tim Lincecum cited for marijuana possession in traffic stop. But he got off with just a ticket after flashing the officer his Cy Young award.
NCAA denies final appeal to reinstate Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant. The NCAA added that if his name were Bear Bryant, he could have gotten away with anything.
Columbus may lose NHL franchise. It's not that the team is losing money, it's that goofy Blue Jackets nickname.
SEC fines Florida's Urban Meyer $30,000 for criticizing officials. Meyer opened his wallet, pulled out 50,000 bucks and asked for 20 grand in change.