Sports Talk: My job is safe...I'm told

Things may be slowing down in your workplace for the holidays, but they're heating up in the sports world. And I'm not even talking about Tiger Woods' love life.

There are all sorts of stories to recount as bowl season kicks off and basketball season keeps dribbling away. There's even baseball news: Barry Bonds' agent says the controversial slugger is now officially retired. Hmmm, I thought it was those zero at-bats over the last two seasons that made him retired.

But as long as there are weekly sports headlines to round up, I'll never be able to retire. As long as there's a Meineke Car Care Bowl, I'll always have a job. Even during the holidays.

Nationally-ranked Byrnes High loses state football championship to Dorman. Maybe there's some competition in South Carolina after all.

Alabama routs Florida in SEC showdown. Nick Saban puts a halt to the Urban renewal taking place in the conference.

Texas nips Nebraska on last-second field-goal to keep alive national title hopes. For one brief second, it looked like Mack Brown had gone to the Les Miles School of Clock Management.

Georgia Tech outguns Clemson in ACC football championship game. Paging the Tigers' defense, paging the Tigers' defense, please report to the playing field.

C.J. Spiller doesn't make list of Heisman Trophy finalists. And Tim Tebow did? That's just wrong.

Clemson football team falls to Music City Bowl in Nashville. But the Tigers aren't singing country. They're singing the blues.

Clemson beats USC in men's basketball. At least Oliver Purnell was able to salvage the week.

USC draws UConn as opponent in Bowl. Now there's an unappetizing matchup.

Carolina Panthers get past Tampa Bay Bucs 16-6. It's already being called the most boring game in NFL history.

Alabama to play Texas in BCS title game. It's the official championship game for two of the 50 states.

Unbeatens TCU and Boise State stuck playing each other in Fiesta Bowl. You see, there's good undefeated and bad undefeated.

Michael Vick gets warm welcome in return to Atlanta. I'm guessing there were no dogs in the Georgia Dome crowd.

Pittsburgh Steelers fall to 6-7 after loss to Browns. I probably should have waited before getting all those back-to-back Super Bowl champion T-shirts printed up.

Bret Favre starts 283rd consecutive game to set NFL record. He also holds the league mark for consecutive retirements with three.

Danica Patrick will take spin with NASCAR team. Her first order of business is to learn how to chew tobacco.

Whitey Herzog elected to the baseball Hall of Fame. His bid was about to slip away, but Ozzie Smith dove for it, knocked it down and threw it to the veterans committee just in time.

VH1 reality-show series will feature NBA wives and girlfriends. Good thing it isn't focused on the PGA because that one would be X-rated.

Notre Dame junior quarterback Jimmy Clausen declares early for the NFL. He's learned everything you need to know about going .500.

Louisville hires Charlie Strong as head football coach. What took so long?

Tiger Woods' mother-in-law hospitalized for 11 hours. I'm guessing she's sick of Tiger.

Alabama cancels three days of classes in January for BCS title game. It's that sort of priority on education that has made the state of Alabama what it is today.

Peter Gammons leaves ESPN for MLB network. It's the biggest free-agent signing since A-Rod.

NFL fines Chad Ochocinco $30,000 for donning poncho, sombrero after scoring touchdown. Thank goodness he left the burro in the stadium tunnel.

USC baseball get commitment from high school freshman. And there's also a fifth-grader who's ready to commit to the Gamecocks right after he finishes recess.

Champion New York Yankees trade for All-Star center fielder Curtis Granderson. File this one in the life's not fair category.

Gatorade drops Tiger Woods-themed drink line. It seems Tiger has a thirst that can't be quenched.

Clemson quarterback Willy Korn decides to transfer. He's looking at schools that don't have coaches with childhood nicknames.

NCAA investigating Tennessee over hostess trips to visit top high school football players. Well, you didn't expect the good-looking coeds to be visiting top calculus students, did you?

USC bumps basketball coach Darrin Horn's salary to $1.1 million. Sure, it sounds like a lot of money, but that's what Kentucky's John Calipari spends on dry-cleaning alone.

Cincinnati's Brian Kelly accepts Notre Dame football job. Going undefeated didn't get him into the BCS title game, but it did get him out of Cincinnati.

Steve Spurrier zings UConn coach Randy Edsall at bowl press conference over flirtation with Notre Dame job. Then he turned and said, "Which one of you is Randy Edsall?"

Two PGA golfers deny making critical comments about Tiger Woods in Life & Style magazine. They weren't as upset about the fraudulent quotes as they were about appearing in something lame called Life & Style.