Ice cold beverages? Check.
Comfy couch? Check.
A roomful of friends? Check.
A plasma TV? Check.
OK, sounds like you're ready for tonight's Super Bowl party. Don't forget to do your 100-square pool for each quarter and tell everybody to be quiet when the commercials come on.
And make sure as you sit in the recliner to hold up your Bic lighter when Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend blast their way into the theme song for "CSI: Miami" at halftime.
There's nothing quite like this annual ritual in American culture, which brings everyone together as we all ponder the next day at work if the Pepsi ad was funnier than the Budweiser ad.
There's even some discussion along the way about a football game. Usually, at some point late in the third quarter, my wife figures out which teams are playing.
Until then, I have to finish rounding up this past week's news. Who dat say dey gonna write dem headlines?
Roger Federer wins Australian Open for 16th Grand Slam title. That's nothing. Lou Gehrig had 23 grand slams in his career.
USC women's basketball team nearly ends 30-year winless drought against Tennessee. I still remember how the 1980 team celebrated by going back to the dorm and cranking up "Ride Like the Wind" by Christopher Cross.
Former USC football assistant Ray Rychleski to coach in Super Bowl for the Colts. He's another one of those guys with a firm grip on Peyton Manning's coattails.
Agent expects Julius Peppers to leave Carolina Panthers. Must be ready to look for a new .500 team.
AFC defeats NFC 41-34 in Pro Bowl. I've never heard of anybody ever having a Pro Bowl party.
Ben Crane wins PGA's Farmers Insurance Open title. Coincidentally, Crane once teamed with Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp and Neil Young to win the Farm Aid Celebrity Pro-Am.
Bowler Pete Weber gets irked at photographer snapping pictures during tournament. He got so mad that he rolled the guy's camera down the lane to pick up a spare in the sixth frame.
Ex-NFL star Herschel Walker wins mixed-martial arts debut over Hungarian fighter. Herschel lowered his helmet and bowled him over at the 5.
Kobe Bryant becomes Lakers' all-time leading scorer. By passing Jerry West, does this mean Kobe also gets to replace him as the silhouette on the NBA logo?
Phil Nickelson accused of cheating for using Ping wedge. Ironically, Elin Nordegren used a Ping wedge on Tiger Woods after he was accused of cheating.
New York Jets coach Rex Ryan is criticized for making obscene gesture at public event. He also caught heat for calling Jim Caldwell and asking him if he had Prince Albert in a can.
Pittsburgh Penguins' Sidney Crosby scored three goals in eight minutes in win. Sure, that sounds great, but let me know when he scores eight goals in three minutes.
Wizards' Gilbert Arenas regrets he let down kids with gunplay incident. He encouraged children to settle their disputes with nunchucks instead.
NCAA tournament may expand to 96 teams. Looks like a major traffic jam on the Road to the Final Four.
John Calipari, John Wall trade comments after UK's loss to South Carolina. Like Wall is going to care what Calipari says after the first week in April.
Byrnes All-American Marcus Lattimore commits to USC in his church. That was Steve Spurrier who screamed out "Hallelujah!" in the back pew.
Spurrier lands Lattimore by doing the Cha Cha Slide with the running back's mom. And the Head Ball Coach landed Connor Shaw by doing The Hustle.
Beaufort linebacker Justin Parker decides late for Clemson. Let me guess. Dabo belted out, "Come on, baby, let's do The Twist!"
USC opens The Dodie. It's either a dance or an athletics academic center.
Florida lands nation's top recruiting class. Urban Meyer says he might start passing out every year before signing day.
UConn women's basketball team passes 60 consecutive wins. The latest victory came against the New Jersey Nets.
Saints defensive coordinator guarantees "remember me" hits on Peyton Manning. Gregg Williams also guaranteed the GoDaddy ad will be a little racy.
Clemson bumps football season ticket prices by $10. Well, the Tigers did add Presbyterian to the schedule.
Mike Dunleavy steps down as the winningest coach in L.A. Clippers' history. It's sort of like being the tallest jockey at the Kentucky Derby.
Reggie Bush, Saints provide must-see TV in first trip to Super Bowl. I'm just watching for the cutaways to Kim Kardashian.