How to talk to our children about the danger of sextortion in our social media age | Opinion

Growing up in the 1980s, we were warned that predators were waiting in dark alleys or patrolling neighborhoods to lure children into beat-up white vans.

Now these predators are getting into our homes — through our kids’ phones.

I was a high school math teacher when cellphones were just becoming a thing. Only a few students had them, and there was no social media. I had no idea what danger they would come to pose 20 years later.

With the rise of social media platforms came the comparison game, unrealistic expectations and a new playground where bullies could remain anonymous. Phones are now glued to the hands of teenagers buried in endless text exchanges, TikTok dance videos and influencers’ skin care recommendations.

Law school did not prepare me to navigate this minefield with my own two daughters, who are now in fourth and eighth grade. Self-image issues, mean girls and the temptations that come hand-in-hand with having the internet in your hand are just the start.

As the U.S. attorney for South Carolina, I have seen the dangers that exist online for children up close. Dangers that have turned deadly. Days ago, my office brokered the extradition of a Nigerian man to face charges for a sexual extortion case involving a teenager. Hassanbunhussein Lawal appeared in a federal courtroom in Columbia last week after being indicted in a sextortion scheme that led 17-year-old Gavin Guffey from Rock Hill to take his own life in 2022.

This horror was not the first of its kind. It was also not the last. Less than a year after Gavin’s death, 13-year-old Timothy Barnett was found dead by suicide in his family’s front yard in Sumter. The family has filed a lawsuit against Snapchat, following signs of sextortion.

I can’t begin to imagine the pain these families feel. These two innocent, trusting boys had their lives stolen because a coward behind a keyboard coerced and levied shame and embarrassment on them.

The predators in such cases are from all over the globe, as far away as Nigeria and as close as prison cells right here in the United States. Last April, a 35-year-old man from Kershaw was indicted for a sextortion scheme that triggered another death by suicide in Michigan.

These predators can operate from anywhere.

For Gavin and Timothy, for my girls, for all of our children, we cannot let evil win. The men and women of the U.S. Attorney’s Office will continue to pursue justice in these cases, but we need everyone to join in this fight to protect our kids. Teaching online responsibility is our biggest weapon in this fight.

Everyone — parents, aunts, uncles, teachers, youth pastors, coaches, mentors, influencers — should talk to the children, and especially the teens, in their lives about sextortion. Please. Even if it’s awkward, even if you wish these children could just stay innocent longer, even if they say, “I know, Mom,” and roll their eyes. Here are some talking points I’ve used with my own girls:

• Never engage with strangers online. Block and ignore anyone you do not personally know. That person saying they are a 15-year-old girl online may very well be a 35-year-old man. Photos and videos are not proof that people are who they say they are.
• Do not share personal details like your real name, school or home address. This gives predators weapons to carry out their schemes. Receiving an explicit photo is their ultimate prize.
• Realize that any content you create online — text messages, photos or videos — can be made public in an instant. The availability of screenshots and other ways to capture content means nothing is guaranteed to “disappear” online, no matter what app you’re on. Once you send something, you do not have any control over where it goes next.
• Be especially suspicious of someone that asks you to start talking on a different app or platform. Shut down the conversation until you can verify it is not someone posing as the person you know.

Parents and caregivers should consider delaying access to social media accounts, gaming platforms and other apps that allow children to interact with strangers online. Once children have access, adults should make sure that such accounts are private and not open to everyone in the world with a device.

Finally, children should be reminded over and over again that if they find themselves in a compromising or difficult situation, they can come to a parent or another trusted adult.

Let’s wrap all our children in love and the protection that comes with knowledge.