‘Southern Charm’ recap: The trouble with Whitney
On this week’s episode of “Southern Charm,” we pick up where we left off with Kathryn fleeing from her awful date with the dancin’ T-Rav.
She’s so upset about T-Rav’s campaign video that shows him raising the roof with a bunch of girls in miniskirts that she spends the night at friend Danni’s house.
“I’ve changed so much to make this work,” Kathryn says to the camera in a teary aside. “I cook, I clean, I bought like, 30 blazers!”
When Kathryn eventually returns to the plantation, she and T-Rav reconcile. He apologizes and she says she doesn’t want to be a source of stress in his life.
T-Rav seems to sense this is wishful thinking. “I want to believe love can conquer all, but sometimes it can be difficult,” he says. (Nothing gets by you, T-Rav!)
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES CRAIG A DULL BOY
Four episodes in and Craig still has yet to put in an honest day’s work. Socializing is still his top priority, as demonstrated by his life adage: “You’re not an alcoholic unless your life sucks.”
“And my life doesn’t suck,” he says. (*insert public eye roll here*)
Cue law school friend Warren sitting down with Craig in hope of knocking some sense into him. Unlike Craig, Warren has already passed the bar exam and is a real attorney.
Passing the test, is “the hardest thing you will do,” Warren says.
“I don’t have to study until December,” Craig says nonchalantly.
“The exam is in February,” Warren replies. Then he whips out a suitcase stuffed with study materials to try and hit his point home, but it looks like it falls on deaf, alcohol-clogged ears.
I’M A MODEL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Next we go to Landon, who is trying to reinvent herself now that’s she’s back in Charleston. She starts by helping menswear designer K. Cooper Ray with his upcoming fashion show.
Landon taps Shep and Craig to be runway models, and the two couldn’t be more opposite on the catwalk.
Craig, having dabbled in modeling already, is cool as cucumber in Ray’s duds.
Shep asks if it’s time to pull out Blue Steel.
None of Ray’s coats fit Shep, either, because the 6-foot-plus man-child has monkey arms, apparently. He gets all his suit jackets custom-made.
Are we even surprised?
YOU get a restaurant, and YOU get a restaurant
Whitney is still trying to get his restaurant off the ground, but it’s kind of hard to do that because he’s never actually there. If you recall, Whitney partnered with Planet Hollywood creator Bryan Kestner on a King Street restaurant called Generalísimo.
Bryan is none too happy that Whitney has been shirking his share of the work, and the two sit down for a chat about responsibilities. Bryan suggests when the restaurant opens that Whitney be there to greet guests two or three nights a week.
“I put up the seed money, I never realized I actually had to work in the place,” Whitney laughs.
Across town, Shep, who was cut out of the Whitney-Bryan partnership, is shown at his own up-and-running restaurant, The Palace Hotel.
“It’s unorganized, it’s poorly decorated, it has a motley crew for a staff, but it’s fun!” Cameran describes when she drops by for a visit.
Over PBRs, Shep confides in Cam that he has a new love interest. And he’s having some trouble.
“She won’t bang me until I date her, what is that?” he asks.
‘It’s called commitment!” Cameran says.
“It’s going to take a very special lady to get him to settle down,” she says in an aside. “...I can’t wait to meet her.”
RAISE THE...CAMPAIGN FUNDS
T-Rav has a campaign fundraising party, which, as Shep puts it, is as sparsely attended as the second christening.
In an act of pity, Shep writes T-Rav a check for $250, but “I might as well light it on fire,” he says. “I want it back!”
Whitney walks around showing everyone The Ad on his cellphone for laughs and attention.
Kathryn is trying to be cool about it, but her temper gets the best of her, thanks to a little persuading from Jenn. (And may we say here that it’s probably not a good idea to take advice from someone who wears gold short shorts to a political event? Jenn is to Kathryn what Whitney is to T-Rav. A misguided instigator.)
“Whitney is like this little tiny baby troll that schemes these situations,” Kathryn says. “If you piss me off, you’re done. you’re on a s*** list and I’m coming after you.”
Jenn declares a confrontation is in order. And when Whitney strolls over to say hello, Kat drags him to a private area of the party.
“The ad is a joke,” she tells him. “If my daughter ever saw that, she would be embarrassed for the rest of her life”
Whitney is nonplussed. “You don’t think she would be embarrassed now?”
Cue Kathryn storming out, part deux.
BEST QUOTE: “Being a lawyer is fun and stuff, but if you’re going to pay me to be pretty....I’ll pick that one.” – Craig.
Oh, Craig. You’re very lucky you’re pretty. Because we’re starting to think you’re pretty awful.
BEST MADE-UP WORD: Shepistotle. The wisdom of Aristotle in Shep form.
BEST NEW PHRASE: “Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.” How Cameran describes Shep’s past relationships.
BEST TIME TO GET ACUPUNCTURE: Is the same time as your Pomeranian. Could this involve anyone but Patricia? She wasn’t actually in this episode, but in one of the show’s commercial extras, Patricia gets an acupuncturist to make a house call for her pooch. When she discovers the needles have face-lifting power, it takes about .02 seconds for her to get one poked into her forehead. Then the doctor says she can’t have any alcohol for one hour after the needles go in. To which she replies, “Take them out.”
This story was originally published April 7, 2015 at 11:12 AM with the headline "‘Southern Charm’ recap: The trouble with Whitney."