Southern Charm recap: Time for an intervention, Craig

Welp, we knew this was coming.

On Monday night’s episode of “Southern Charm,” the gang once again tries to talk some sense into Craig and get him to rethink his party-hardy ways. This time, it’s Shep who intervenes, and when the man who refuses to work 9-5 tells you to get your life together and go to work, you know you have a problem.

But first things first.

The episode begins with a welcome Patricia Altschul sighting, with the Madame getting her Martha Stewart on by making some scrapbooks for Whitney. And not just any scrapbooks. Fancy, monogrammed scrapbooks specially-ordered from London. Right now they’re filled with mostly tabloid photos of Whitney and his model girlfriend, but one day Patricia hopes she’ll be making a wedding scrapbook.

Whitney comes in and is slightly embarrassed by the scrapbooking, but thanks his mom nonetheless. Then he spots Pat’s fancy shoes.

“Mom, are those real diamonds?” he asks?

“Would I wear anything BUT diamonds on my shoes?” Patricia replies.

Answer: Darling, of course not.

CHAMPAGNE TASTES ON A BEER BUDGET

Shep and Craig go out on the town for some drinking at the bar Republic. They’re slurping liquor and having fun, and at some point Shep asks Craig to buy him a drink. Craig shows him his empty wallet and says he can't.

“Craig thinks he’s a Rockefeller but he’s more like a Flintstone,” Shep says.

In other words, Craig can’t keep partying like a rock star or a guy with a big fat lawyer salary when he’s still just doing clerical work at an attorney’s office.

“He’s in somewhat of a downward spiral,” Shep adds.

Shep leaves the bar. Craig stays put, dancing with a drink in hand.

DON’T EVER FORGET TO THANK YOUR BABY MAMA

Now that T-Rav’s in full campaign mode, he decides to have a casual barbecue at the plantation to show the public how humble he is. (That’s right folks, come out to my sprawling plantation...I’m just a regular schmuck like you!)

Kathryn takes a backseat on mingling with guests, which T-Rav prefers after Kat made such a scene yelling at Whitney at the last fundraiser.

“She cannot be a part of my campaign team or go to events if she’s going to act like that,” he says.

Kat definitely doesn’t enjoy having strangers milling about her home, and she certainly doesn’t try to hide it, mean-mugging around the porch in a see-through white shirt and an orange bra. What happened to all those event-appropriate blazers you bought, Kathryn?

Partway through the ‘cue, T-Rav gathers everyone around for a speech.

“Thank you so much for coming, neighbors, coworkers, friends….who else did I leave out?” T-Rav asks.

Kathryn glares.

“Thank your baby’s mama!” Cameran says in a camera aside.

It’s hard not to feel bad for Kathryn here. She at least deserved to be recognized.

WALK. WALK. STRIKE A POSE.

The day of K. Cooper Ray’s fashion show has arrived, and Landon is working hard trying to get the Palmer Home Bed & Breakfast transformed into a runway.

Landon sighs and says she’s worked on much bigger shows, but this will have to do.

Patricia echoes the tune, recounting her last fashion show at Paris Fashion Week. She’s stooping so low, alas! At least she has her martini to drink first.

Craig is one of Cooper’s models in the show. Before he arrives, he’s has an afternoon drink at home, then another before walking, then a LOT more at the after party.

Shep comes over pre-fashion show for a heart-to-heart talk. It goes a little something like this:

Shep: What’s your work schedule like these days?

Craig: I do all my work at night.

Shep: Do you even want to practice law?

Craig: Yes. I have another month before I really have to start studying.

Shep: We’re worried about you, man.

Craig: I need another drink.

Craig is annoyed at all the negative attention he’s getting from the group. First Cameran, then his law school friend Warren, and now Shep?

“Dude, you’re the one that goes out with me,” Craig says. “Responsible Shep is unbecoming.”

Even T-Rav gets on Craig’s case after the fashion show, when everyone heads to Republic again to get their drinking on.

And when T-Rav tries to give you life advice, something is definitely amiss.

NOW TRENDING: “Dressing drink.” As in the martini Patricia gets delivered to her dressing room while she gets ready for a social event. Genius!

WHAT ELSE ARE SILVER PLATTERS FOR? Delivering one’s shoes, apparently. First her martini, next her shoes. Is there anything Patricia can’t make fancy?

THAT OLD ADAGE: “If life gives you lemons, you know, make Limoncello.” - Landon.

Of course! The classic proverbial phrase about having a can-do attitude in the face of adversity...make Italian lemon liqueur! (Just so we're clear, does making Limoncello instead of lemonade mean you’re more “can-do” or just pretentious?)

COMING UP: Next week, it looks like Kathryn hits downtown for a much-needed night out, and maybe gets a little too friendly over drinks with Craig...

This story was originally published April 14, 2015 at 8:51 AM with the headline "Southern Charm recap: Time for an intervention, Craig."