On this week’s episode of “Southern Charm,” the gang heads to Landon’s old stomping grounds on Jekyll Island off the coast of Georgia.
Landon touts the trip as a nice relaxing getaway, but once everyone arrives on the island, they start acting much more Mr. Hyde than Dr. Jekyll.
Everyone becomes a nastier version of themselves, even Cameran can’t escape the island’s negative pull. And when a meaner-than-usual Whitney is confined to a cottage house with a meaner-than-usual Kathryn, an explosion ensues. Things get ugly. Very ugly.
‘I HOPE THERE’S NOT LOTS OF DRAMA’
So Landon says to her sister Powell on the drive over. Foreshadowing much?
For Craig and Shep, the drama begins on the car ride. Shep decides that Craig still needs to have some sense smacked into him, and spends most of the travel time lecturing Craig about what he needs to be doing to get his life together. Craig responds with one choice expletive.
NO WET T-SHIRT CONTEST?
When the boys arrive, they are dismayed to find Jekyll Island has more octogenarians than bikini babes.
“Why’d we get tricked into coming to a retirement community?” Craig complains.
“This is Heaven’s waiting room,” Shep jokes.
The boys hit the bar to lament the lack of a party scene, quickly embarrassing Landon and Cameran.
“I feel like I’ve gone on vacation and brought my two children. This is why my uterus is happy being childfree,” Cameran says.
Trying to find something to do, Shep, Cameran, Craig, Landon and Powell decide to bike ride to the beach. They bring their drinks, of course.
Jen and Kat pull up just as the group is leaving.
“My favorite thing, bikin’ and boozin’!” Jen yells out the car window.
The bikers ride off without waiting on the new arrivals.
Craig takes charge finding the beach, but when he appears to be heading in the wrong direction, Shep harangues him at every turn.
“You’re too broke to afford to pay attention,” Shep says, among other insults about Craig losing his job.
Finally, they ask a friendly cop to point them to the beach and are told they are about as far away as could be. They unhappily abandon the pursuit and head back to the cottage.
I’MA LET YOU FINISH BUT...
J.D., his wife Elizabeth and Cooper Ray arrive in time for dinner. Whitney emerges from his room, being too busy to ride bikes earlier.
Everyone sits down to what looks like a lovely meal, and Craig stands up to make a toast.
“I know we were being brats when we first got here —”
“— just sit down and shut up,” Shep interjects.
Cameran and Landon admonish Shep for his mean interruption, so he says, “Fine, just tuck in your shirt and talk.”
Craig looks like his feelings are hurt and sits down, but eventually finishes his toast.
Of course, Shep can’t have that, so he gets up to make his own toast. Oddly, he toasts to Craig and thanks him for the trip to Delaware. He and Craig cheers, the bromance seemingly repaired.
BRING ME A KNIFE, DARLIN'
After dinner, Cameran heads to bed, and Landon and Kathryn go upstairs to change clothes. While they’re gone, Jen tells the remaining group that Kathryn wants to feel welcomed into the fold even when Thomas isn’t there (He was too busy with the campaign to come).
Craig asks what everyone can do to make Kathryn feel more comfortable.
Whitney still isn't buying that the two are magically buddy-buddy now, and brings up how much Craig trash-talked Kathryn last season.
“Kathryn, they’re challenging our friendship,” Craig says to her as she walks up.
Immediately, Kat whips her head in Whitney’s direction, eyes wide with anger.
“Wanna challenge me? You don’t know s***,” she snarls.
“You should go to bed,” Whitney replies.
“You should go fall on a knife,” she snaps. (And she wonders why she’s not allowed on the campaign trail...)
The comment sends Whitney into fighting mode, and he shoots back that Kathryn’s heart is a “black space with a dollar sign.”
Kat looks ready to rumble and gets very, very close to Whitney’s face.
“Are you about to hit me?” he asks.
“No, I’m getting in your face so you get the (expletive) point!” she yells.
Craig tries to mediate, getting in the middle of the fight. He sends Whitney upstairs and tries to calm down Kathryn.
I DUG A HOLE AND COVERED HER WITH BRANCHES
Post-rumble, Jen, Kat and Craig are sitting and drinking in the cottage driveway.
Kat thanks for Craig for having her back.
Jenn goes to bed, and she and him decide the night is still young. They get in the golf cart to “go for an adventure.”
The next morning, Cameran reveals Craig told her that he and Kathryn spent the night on the beach together.
She says he said they were out in the golf cart and it died, and they were lost and couldn’t find their way back. So they had to stay stranded on the beach. Kathryn, shivering with cold, needed Craig to dig a hole in the sand and cover her with branches. When that didn’t work, they were forced to huddle together for necessary body heat.
Cameran, usually the discrete and diplomatic one of the group, immediately blabs the ridiculous story to everyone else. Jekyll Island hast turned thou into an incorrigible gossip!
Craig is adamant that nothing scandalous happened on the beach.
No one buys it, of course.
“If I slept on the beach with a girl, you’d be damned sure something nefarious would have happened,” Shep says. Extra points for the use of “nefarious.”
The gang is barely into their croquet game, twittering over the details of the Craig-Kat rendezvous, when Cam checks her phone and sees there’s even bigger trouble back home.
Thomas Ravenel has been accused of assault.
J.D. immediately predicts T-Rav’s campaign is headed straight down the toilet, saying, “His chances — which were a long shot — are now a double shot.”
The episode is to be continued.
WHAT TO SAY WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A GOLD DIGGER
“You really think I’m a gold digger? I’m wearing Target pants!” - Kathryn to Whitney
MEAN QUOTE FROM MEAN SHEP
“You’re too broke to afford to pay attention.” Way to kick a man while he’s down, Shep!
HOW ONE TALKS WHEN ONE IS ENTITLED
When someone on the bike ride remarks how pretty Jekyll Island is, Shep replies, matter-of-factly, “Of course it’s pretty, I mean, this is our life.”
THE NEW ‘THING TO DO’
Bikin’ and boozin.’ Like a dressing drink, but slightly more dangerous.