Column: A wedding 30 years in the making

Thirty years after their first date – lunch at the No Name Deli on April 19, 1985 – Ed Greenleaf II and Michael Brezicky Jr. got married April 19, 2015 at the historic Robert Mills House in downtown Columbia.

Several weeks later, on a Sunday, their wedding announcement appeared in this newspaper. Ed and Michael stood side by side, husband and husband, wearing similar suits, ties and single white rosebuds attached to their lapels.

The following Tuesday evening, Ed said, their home phone rang. “I said, ‘Hello’ and this lady said, ‘I need to speak with you about that wedding announcement in the newspaper.’ She said she was 74 years old and read the announcement while she was drinking her morning coffee.”

Ed prepared himself for a diatribe.

“Then the lady started crying and said, ‘I’m so glad you were able to do this.’ ”

Michael had a similar experience.

“I was in Kroger. A lady came up to me and asked, ‘Were you in the paper yesterday?’ ”

Michael hesitated, then said “Yes.”

“She said, ‘I’m so proud of you.’ I told her, ‘We just did what any other couple would have done.’ ”

Well, let’s qualify that – what any other two people would have done who were in love and who had to wait 30 years for same-sex marriage to be legally recognized in South Carolina. Which it was, last fall, after a federal court order took effect, ruling that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.

But let’s back up.

Ed, 52, is vice president of Scarlett Surveys International, a business that helps companies determine how engaged their employees are in their jobs. Ed grew up in Florence. His father was a shift supervisor at a paper mill. Ed graduated from the University of South Carolina in 1984. He was in a fraternity and was president of the interfraternity council.

“It was a lot of fun,” Ed said.

Michael, 51, is co-owner of A La Carte, a company that sells china, crystal and silver to Southeastern retailers. He calls himself an “Air Force brat … I spent most of my growing up years in Denver, Colorado.”

When Michael’s father was near retirement, he was transfered to Shaw Air Force Base in Sumter.

“That was a big culture shock for me – going from Denver, Colorado to Sumter, South Carolina.”

Ed said he knew he was “different, but I dated girls. It was a thing to struggle with, but I determined at an early age to be true to myself rather than true to other people’s expectations. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. I have a loving family and we eased into it. It was challenging, but we are there. We are good.”

Michael said his feelings about growing up and being gay were “very similar” to Ed’s.

“I always knew I had an attraction that was different from the norm. I never gave it a lot of serious thought until I moved to Columbia.”

And until he met Ed.

“I’d decided we’d never see (same-sex marriage) in South Carolina,” Ed said.

“At some point, you tell yourself marriage is never going to happen for you,” Michael added, “and you put it on the shelf.”

But in 1988, something happened to Ed and Michael that pushed the marriage question to the forefront of their lives together.

Michael was in intensive care at a Columbia hospital and Ed was initially not allowed to visit him because he was not considered “family.”

“It was a very tense situation,” Ed said.

“A medical ethicist at the hospital had to get Eddie in the room,” Michael said. “Afterwards, I kept going back to that hospital episode. If we had been legally married then, no questions would have been asked. Those things kept echoing in my head. I actually kept saying, ‘Let’s go get married in another state.’ But Ed was adamant that he wanted to be married in his home state.”

“It’s a human rights issue,” Ed said. “I’m a hardworking taxpayer in this community. My relationship with Michael is of equal value as the relationships of my neighbors. As Americans, we are all equal under the law. Then there are the financial considerations. Social Security survivor benefits. After we got married, our auto insurance dropped. Significantly. It’s a validation, having that marriage license in our hands.”

The marriage ceremony was a small one: a much larger reception followed.

Harriet Hancock, a retired Columbia attorney, ally and longtime activist for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, conducted the ceremony which, she said, “was very special because (Ed and Michael) had to wait so long.”

The Rev. Sally Johnston, rector of St. Martin’s-in-the-Fields Episcopal Church in Columbia, blessed the union.

“I’m convinced … that God has been with them and in their relationship all along,” she said. “The rest of us are just catching up. It felt wonderful to recognize that and say, ‘Amen.’ ”

“The day of our wedding and since, I have felt a sense of pride and joy that we can finally present ourselves as a married couple,” Michael said.

“To be able to stand there in front of my family and friends and say the vows, well, for me, I couldn’t wipe a smile off my face,” Ed said. “It meant I could now say, ‘That’s my husband, end of story.’ People understand what that means. There’s no other explaining to do.”

End of story.