The State has its 1st Cutest Dog in Columbia winner, based on reader votes! Take a look
Congratulations Columbia, your cutest dog has been crowned!
According to readers of The State, at least.
Chester, a 2.5-year-old brown dog, won The State’s first ever Cutest Dog in Columbia poll after a multi-day voting process. He was one of 20 dogs who initially vied for the title. While all Columbia residents were allowed to submit their dog, only subscribers of The State were allowed to vote in the polls.
In the last poll for the final four, Chester won with 41% of the vote. Biscuit, an Alaskan malamute, English Sheepdog, Schnauzer mix, came in second with 29% of the vote. Sparkles Barkley, a German Shepherd, took third place with 20% of the vote and Alfie, a rat terrier, rounded out fourth place with 10% of the vote.
David Miller of Columbia and Chester’s owner, said Chester was a rescue pup.
“We got him and his sister Lila from a couple who found a litter of six by the side of the road and took them all in,” Miller wrote in an email to The State. “Chester is a daily joy to be around, affectionate and just a bit of a rascal.”
Miller wrote that Chester loves to spend his days eviscerating his squeaky toys. He also gets so happy to go on morning walks that he dances uncontrollably before going outside.
With Chester now an official winner, he will be rewarded, Miller wrote.
“We’ll get him another squeaky toy and watch his tail wag furiously as he shreds it to remove the squeaker,” Miller wrote.
In Miller’s response to The State about the win, he provided Chester’s “acceptance speech.” The speech has been included below in its entirety. Note that, while “Chester” makes some bold and admirable proclamations, the title of Cutest Dog in Columbia is honorary and does not grant him any actual authority under city or state law.
Enjoy!
Acceptance speech
First I would like to thank my supporters, the discriminating readers of The State who elected me Cutest Dog in Columbia. Thanks also to Mom, Dad, and Sister Lila, who help me to be the cutest dog I can be.
I have set ambitious goals for my term in office. We are calling for an immediate end to sales tax on dog food and toys. I will issue an executive order requiring Animal Control Officers to round up all unlicensed cats and dogs and ship them forthwith to mainland China, and another decreeing that henceforth National Pet your Dog Day shall be observed every November 14, and on all the other days as well. Finally, I shall require that every Pet Spa, Veterinarian’s office, and Pet Store prominently display the Canine Ten Commandments, to wit:
1. Thou shalt have no other dog before me.
2. Thou shalt not covet my sister, for she is black, and comely.
3. Honor thy human.
4. Thou shalt not bark in vain.
5. Thou shalt not do thy business in the house.
6. Thou shalt not howl, except it be to harmonize with fire engines.
7. Thou shalt not chew books.
8. Thou shalt not forget that Mama’s shoes are sacred.
9. Thou shalt not chase the squirrel, neither shalt thou savage the bunny nor pursue the
deer.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy sister’s squeaky toy.
