Action item! Let’s move the needle on mindless corporate jargon | Opinion
Summer approaches, and with it across the Carolinas and much of the country comes dreadful humidity. This seasonal unpleasantness calls to mind something equally oppressive and about which nothing can be done – mindless corporate jargon.
Or can it? President Reagan believed if you want less of something, tax it. I agree. Don’t blithely accept workplace banalities. Question them, always and everywhere. Surely levying such a tax will reduce usage over time. Let’s start with an easy one.
When a colleague describes an opportunity as low-hanging fruit, point out how the cliché is the perhaps the lowest of all fruit hanging in the overgrown garden of lazy phrasing. This workmate might counter she’s only practicing what she preaches by not passing on what’s right in front of her.
Your riposte? As motivational speeches go, hers is not exactly President Kennedy choosing to go to the moon because it’s hard. It’s more like “strive to put on your pants before your shoes.” Remember, the goal isn’t to win the argument, only to increase the friction. And from boardroom to workroom and executive suite to loading dock, there is nowhere near enough friction.
If urged at a project’s outset not to boil the ocean, push back. You don’t have to be Jacques Cousteau to know nobody ever set out to do that; even imagining it is silly. Same goes for reminders to avoid circular firing squads. Whoever needs that pro tip is in no imminent danger of winning employee of the month.
Ignore anyone offering a 30,000-foot-view on any subject besides clouds, and unless you’re a geologist, discourage conversation from getting too granular. As David St. Hubbins confirmed over Elvis’s grave in comedy classic “Spinal Tap,” too much perspective is scarcely better than too little.
Check your mate immediately over his insistence over cocktails at corporate offsites not to call, text or email him, but ping him. Easy, Captain Ramius. You’re networking at an industry conference, not navigating the Red October through the Mariana Trench.
If asked to look around corners, solemnly declare “I haven’t looked around corners since the open-manhole incident of 2018.” The abruptness of this has the extra benefit of chilling any follow-up questioning involving looking into a crystal ball.
When a host ends a videoconference early and offers to give ten minutes back, challenge this sorcery by demanding a different ten minutes. For instance, the last offensive drive of your high school football quarterbacking career. Your tight end was wide open in the end zone if only you’d seen him.
If you nailed a presentation and your boss calls you a rock star but deep down you know your performance was more easy listening, let her know. Nor is playing three-dimensional chess truly high praise. Isn’t this standard chess when the pieces’ height is factored in?
Disregard for poor judgment anyone claiming to have been drinking from the fire hose. If asked what keeps you up at night, say leg cramps. Contact HR about the guy who always wants to stack hands and insists there be no daylight between him and you. Discourage all from working with hair-on-fire intensity.
Raising the transaction costs of corporate jargon clearly is the answer, but I cannot do this alone. Everyone must participate if we hope to bring about change. Trust me on this. It is not my first rodeo.
Mike Kerrigan is an attorney in Charlotte and a regular contributor to the opinion pages.
This story was originally published June 1, 2026 at 5:00 AM with the headline "Action item! Let’s move the needle on mindless corporate jargon | Opinion."
