How to get fired by the Trump campaign

As word emerged on Monday that Donald Trump had parted ways with his famously contentious campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, the question arose: What do you have to do to be fired from the Trump campaign?

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Given what Lewandowski has done that has not merited his firing (remember when he aggressively grabbed Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields?) and the kind of things Trump himself says and does on a regular basis, it is hard to imagine a firing offense. The logical explanation seems to be that Trump is doing this to placate the GOP establishment and signal that he is ready to become presidential. But when was the last time Donald Trump did something logical?

No, it must be a scandal. But what? A few possibilities:

▪ Embarrassing footage leaked of Lewandowski apologizing profusely and repeatedly for almost bumping into a reporter. Later in the same footage, Lewandowski just stands next to a female reporter and does not grab or threaten her in any way.

▪ He was caught on multiple security cameras giving money to a veteran, unprompted.

▪ Sleuths uncovered a disturbing voicemail in which Lewandowski expressed sympathy for the victims of tragedy without trying to imply that the president might be responsible for it.

▪ Leaked photos reveal that he had actual specific knowledge of U.S. foreign and domestic policy, which he had been surreptitiously trying to impart to Donald Trump with a series of discreet flashcards.

▪ A shocked observer reported that he once saw Lewandowski read an incendiary, racist tweet full of inaccurate statistics and just scroll past it without retweeting it.

▪ Stunning footage revealed a rapt, attentive Lewandowski reading The Feminine Mystique on the subway, repeatedly nodding and underlining key passages.

▪ Lewandowski, when dealing with a late reimbursement check for expenses, explicitly failed to threaten to blow up anyone’s car.

▪ Lewandowski was heard calling a woman he worked with a four-letter word. The word was “star.” It was a respectful compliment.

▪ Red-light camera footage shows a cheerful, pleasant Lewandowski helping an old lady in a hijab cross a street.

▪ An alarmed protester reported that Lewandowski once politely and quietly asked him to leave, then let him leave without incident.

▪ Lewandowski was spotted surreptitiously nursing a baby bird back to health.

This story was originally published June 14, 2016 at 4:14 PM.