Driving is driving me nuts

Driving a car is unquestionably getting more and more unpleasant. There’s no blaming Obama, Clinton, Trump or Kanye West. The fault is in ourselves. We have allowed our addiction to devices and little screens to turn us into incompetent and dangerous navigators of the physical world.

A modern, high-tech version of Prohibition is what we need, though maybe more draconian.

We featherless bipeds evolved over time, for example, to walk without colliding with a cactus. Humans could reliably remember how to travel from home shelter to water source to hunting ground and back. Humans long had the ability to do one thing at a time. For instance, a hunter could carve a spear over many hours without needing tom-tom music to prevent boredom.

These abilities have atrophied at a catastrophic rate during the digital “revolution” (I prefer the word “apocalypse,” which some scolds find hyperbolic). State-of-the-art neuroscience informs us that cognitive functions and the brain parts that control them can waste away when under used.

My concern is that the suites of cognitive tools humans need to drive and ambulate safely are on the endangered list, like jousting or harpooning whales.

My concern is our devices and their diabolical capacity to turn a physically competent specimen into an impervious, selfish menace. And it is the fast erosion of the ability to uni-task.

How many times have you seen someone walk off a curb into traffic in full stride staring at his or her little iPhone screen? I live in Washington, have a short commute and see this at least five times a day. Usually these sidewalk zombies also have their ears plugged, deaf to all noise but what their pods inject.

How many times have you pulled up to a red light to see the driver of the neighboring death-mobile manically texting? Or shouting into the hand-held? How many times have you passed a speeding sociopath on the highway thumbing, caressing or staring at a little screen of Satan?

It is said that Native Americans in the olden days navigated great distances by remembering landmarks, understanding how flora changed as it neared water or higher elevations, reading cloud patterns and so forth. But the white men couldn’t do that; they had to make maps. And when Native Americans came to use these maps, their ability to navigate by nature disappeared.

In the olden days when I took a road trip, I studied paper maps and memorized the route, distances and milestones. The mental map was stored, and I could do it all again. Now, I plug info into my GPS. I mostly get where I want, but I forget the route and terrain instantly. Young people don’t bother with analog maps.

Young and old, now we drive around suckling on some device to get us to our destinations or just to amuse, mildly distracted from driving skillfully enough to avoid the texting hipster stepping off the curb deafened by ear buds.

Tech companies should be required to make devices that cannot be used in moving cars. Pedestrians should not be allowed to have powered-up devices or ear equipment within 100 yards of a road. Bicyclists should not be allowed to have earphones and iPhone holders. Parents should not be allowed to let children use interactive devices smaller than toasters until they are 18.

Short of that, we might need self-driving cars sooner rather than later. I suppose computer-controlled pedestrians are next.